Do I Sometimes Just Need To Be Alone?

Facilitator reads the following prompt:

The quote below is from award-winning author Nicole Krauss’ first novel, A Man Walks into a Room, a reflection on memory, solitude, loneliness and intimacy.

“When you are young, you think it’s [loneliness] is going to be solved by love. But it never is. Being close - as close as you can get - to another person only makes clear that impassable distance between you."

Facilitator reads:

The value of authenticity, or figuring out what it means to be true to ourselves, is a lifelong process. Doing that while living in relationship among others can be tricky. Being close to others might only highlight how different we really are from them. How much of ourselves is built in context of relationship with others? Do we sometimes just need to be alone to really know ourselves?

ITERATIVE DRAWING: ME AND WE

Preparation:

• Put a drawing model (statue, toy) at the center of a table.
• Divide into small groups (If possible).
• The team sits around the model, ready to draw what they see. [Different teams can work in parallel]

Instructions:

ROUND ONE – Individual Drawing

• Each individual has three minutes (by themselves) to draw the model (as it is seen)
• At the bottom of the page write 5-6 words (anything that comes to mind) about what you drew

ROUND TWO – Group Drawing

• Group members take turns drawing in 30-second sprints. (If you are six people, you will do this for a total of three minutes, as before)
• In each 30 second sprint draw what you see and write one word on the bottom of the page.
  - When a sprint is over (30 seconds), the next person takes over and starts drawing immediately.
• Note: there is no break between the sprints! The total time of this iteration should be the same as in round one.

Gather back as a group and the facilitator prompts the whole group:

1. Which of the two drawings looks more “authentic” to you?

2. Which of the two sentences is more interesting?

3. Who is the owner of each drawing?

4. Do you feel the second drawing is yours? Or were you ‘just’ working on it? Were you afraid to ruin someone’s work? Afraid that someone might ‘ruin’ yours?

Facilitator reads:

The search for one’s authentic self is a lifelong quest that demands hard work, time, and reflection. Does such work require that one be alone? Solitude – the idea of being completely alone (perhaps in a physical way) – can sometimes be one’s best companion, allowing people to actualize themselves in the most authentic ways.

In Jewish thought the concept of hitbodedut refers to practices of self- secluded meditation, through which one establishes a close, personal relationship with God. It can also refer to the isolation from others that people might need in order to truly be themselves.

Many Jewish leaders and prophets secluded themselves in the wilderness working alone as shepherds where they could be alone in the fields for long periods of time.

AN EXERCISE OF THE IMAGINATION – SOLO TIME AND TIME WITH OTHERS:

Facilitator prompts the group:

Imagine that are given the opportunity to go anywhere in the world, by yourself - for one week - with the provision that for one hour a day you would have visitors.

• Where would you go?
• On a separate document/sheet of paper, create a sample daily itinerary or schedule in with activities to fill up four hours of time: 3 hours of “solo” time and one hour of “visitor” time.
  -  What would do on your own over the course of the day?
  -  For the one hour when you would have visitors – what would you do with them?
• Compare and contrast the time by yourself and the time with others. How do they differ?
• Of the personal itinerary created above, commit to 1-2 positive actions/ activities that you will now go ahead and implement in your daily life to increase your own sense of self. What are they? Why did you choose them?

Facilitator prompts the group:

• As a result of the exploration above, what are two words that you are leaving with which highlight a new perspective on the issue of loneliness?

Facilitator prompts the group:

• As a result of the exploration above, what are two words that you are leaving with which highlight a new perspective on the issue of loneliness?